Thursday, April 4, 2013

The JESUS Initiative

In a stunning development, President Barack Obama has announced that the US Government along with DARPA and the private sector plan to use technology and modern science to resurrect Jesus Christ!


"In the budget I will send to Congress next week, I will propose a significant investment by The National Institutes of Health, DARPA, and the National Science foundation, to help get this project off the ground.

I'm directing my bio-ethics commission to make sure all the research is being done in a responsible way, and we're also partnering with the private sector, including leading companies and foundations and research institutions to tap the nations brightest minds to help us reach our goal.

The Resurrection of Jesus Christ!

And of course, none of this will be easy, from Judaism to Islam, Hinduism to Sikhism, there echoes a powerful challenge that I issues in my State of the Union Address, to rededicate ourselves to interests larger than our own.

Now as humans, we can identify galaxies light years away, we can study particles smaller than an atom, but we still haven't unlocked the mystery of Jesus Christ.

And we're encouraging companies and research universities and other organizations to get involved and help us make Jesus.

What if computers could respond to Jesus?  I don't want the next resurrection discoveries to happen in China, or India, or Germany.  I want them to happen right here, in the United States of America.

So, I'm very excited about this...project.

Francis, (points to Pope Francis in the Audience) uh, let's get to work.
God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.

Thank you."

-President Barack Obama

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