Friday, January 25, 2013

This Week in the Apocalypse 1/25/13

Or do you?
This cold and flu season has been terrible. Not just by my account, but according to MSNBC (aka the liberal propaganda machine) 18.8 per 100,000 people have been affected by influenza. We're only halfway through the season, and some 29 children are already dead! What the hell is going on? Personally, I've been fighting some kind of bug, we'll assume it's influenza since my lack of insurance keeps me away from those pricey doctors, and my distaste for those below the poverty line keeps me out of a free clinic. So here I am, stuck diagnosing my own symptoms with Google and WebMD (Warning: This always leads to you thinking you have AIDS!) and probably worsening my case. I can only imagine there are countless people like myself who are working and spreading whatever they have to the people around them. To make matters worse this flu season, an outbreak of a new strain of Norovirus has been causing wide spread symptoms similar to food poisoning. Ugh!  With climate change and seemingly stronger viruses coming at us each year, it is only a matter of time before we see a zombie apocalypse as the result of a mutant influenza strain! (I wrote thinking I was kidding... then did some research revealing that there really is a zombie flu strain!!)

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un was spouting some more craziness this week. The Washington Post reports:

"I like rice!"
'North Korea said it would retaliate against the United States with “force, not with words, as it jungle law as the rule of its survival.” As part of this show of force, it also pledged to launch long-range rockets, similar to the one it sent into orbit last month, which prompted the toughened U.N. Security Council sanctions.'

'Atta boy Un, we thought you were getting soft there for a minute!  Thanks for threatening nuclear attack to remind us that you truly are bat shit crazy! This latest round of yapping may have cost him his good standing with China against the US. This of course begs the question: why is it so hard to have a badass haircut and be a good dictator at the same time?

And finally...not that I even care anymore, but JJ Abrams has been tapped to direct the next installment in the Star Wars series. Now I'll admit that I love the first three Star Wars as much as anyone (well maybe not anyone) but the overwhelming amount of commercialization of the branding along with Episodes I, II an III have made me less than excited about any future films.  But stangely, Abrams along with the purchase by Disney can only help. I leave you with a reminder of what was...

-Travis Spencer

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